an example of what not to do in writing class

Okay, I probably should not be putting this on the internet, so it’s almost definitely going to backfire someday. But to my brother: this is for you to bookmark and read whenever you’re feeling stressed. Then you can spew out anything you’re drinking.

Everyone else: Sorry not sorry.

Also, I wrote this when I was like twelve for a writing class and I’m pretty sure my mom was 500% done with me at that point.

Winston and His Bottom

A cat named Winston walked wearily along the gleaming waters of the ocean. He had a pack of salt on his Bottom, which was terribly heavy. When Winston’s Bottom made a wrong turn, he collapsed into the water and the salt washed away. Winston’s Bottom was very glad because the weight of the salt was not on his back anymore. Winston was very upset and went back to the salt shop.

Winston had just gotten all the salt when his bad-tempered Bottom groaned because of the whole thing. Slowly they walked by the sandy slope until they got to the place where Winston’s Bottom fell last time. Then the Bottom had an idea. If he fell again, it would make his load less heavy, which he thought was a great idea. So, the Bottom purposely fell in the same spot and bounced with triumph. However, this time Winston saw the trick his Bottom was playing!

For the third time that day, in the blazing heat, Winston walked half-heartedly to the salt shop, which was the only shade for 1,000 miles. Winston gave up on getting salt since he couldn’t control his Bottom. Instead, he got some nice fluorescent pink sponges.

He and his Bottom flew across the sand on Winston’s jetpack that soon lost power. They passed an Arby’s and stopped because they were hungry. After spending a lot of money there, they sadly left Arby’s and got back to the ocean. They had just gotten to the spot where the Bottom had fallen twice. The Bottom fell on purpose again, but when it stood up and shook itself off it realized the load was even heavier than before. The sponges didn’t dissolve like the salt had. Instead, they soaked up the water they had fallen into! Winston was glad his Bottom finally learned a lesson.

After reading this, you may be asking yourself a few questions.

Like: Where did Winston get a jetpack? Why didn’t he use it from the get-go? What was the purpose of Arby’s in this story? And why the heck was there a salt shop 1,000 miles into the middle of nowhere??

The only thing I have to say is: I really don’t know.